tablez

First of all, thanks everyone who played/tabled/came out/danced/took pictures/asked me ‘where’s the free shit?’ at the first ever Birdsong Benefit Show on Saturday. It looked sort of like this

tracks

like this

Baby Alpaca

like that

Algae & Tentacles

that

PAPS

and this

B0DY H1GH

The event was a shmash and a half, and we raised enough money for about ten hours of studio time for the podcast! Feels good man. Thanks Justin Mugits, Jessica Lacombe, and Roy Pérez for taking the wonderful pictures, more of which you can see on the Birdsong Collective flickr page! Work is also progressing on the contest submissions and the revamp of my Ok Cupid profile. I hear it’s working for some birdsongers who shall remain shameless. Nothing much left to do but get on the grind in real time, and with that… THIS WEEK IN BIRDSONG!!!

Monday 10/25
Somehow the Knitting Factory is psychic and knew exactly what my Halloween plans were this year. Tonight they are hosting a 90′s TV party, showing the Halloween episodes from shows like Fresh Prince, Saved by the Bell and The Simpsons, plus there’s gonna be free candy and vampire fangs, a costume contest and bobbing for beers. That last one doesn’t sound so pleasant/possible, but free candy sounds like the jam.I hope there’s some Roseanne and omg one of the Martin Halloween specials (remember his 70′s Ike Turner wig/costume?) HAHAHAHA I COULDN’T FIND IT ON GOOGLE BUT I FOUND THIS:

WHAT THE HELL MAN

The Knitting Factory
361 Metropolitan Ave, Williamsburg
8pm, Free

TUESDAY 10/26
Tonight birdsong contributor Max Steele is reading at FAG SCHOOL IN FAG CITY,

escapism

“a bi-coastal showcase of underground queer punk righteousness hosted by Brontez Purnell (Younger Lovers, Gravy Train!!!), creator of Fag School, an Oakland-based zine devoted to cruising, blackouts, reviews of porn, books, music, nightmare parties and homocore activism. Decidedly low-key and improvisational, this event aims to introduce Brontez and his literary work to New York City, while giving two of his East Coast buds, Joseph Whitt and Max Steele, an opportunity to share their stories in the spirit of Fag School.” Have been looking forward to this for a while, and I hear that some back issues of Fag School will be at the event, so this is the time to fill in the gaps in yr zine libraries.
P.P.O.W. Gallery
511 West 25th Street (3rd Floor) New York, NY
8-930pm

THURSDAY 10/28

hmmm this centered poetry compendium is looking a little spare... how bout a butterfly/ribcage?

birdsong #13 ‘Five on It” interviewee Justin Taylor, along with co-editor Eva Talmadge, will present The Word Made Flesh: Literary Tattoos from Bookworms Worldwide, “a collection of more than 150 full-color photographs of human epidermis indelibly adorned with quotations and illustrations from Dickinson to Pynchon, from Shakespeare to Plath” at WORD bookstore in Greenpoint. So sorry they published before I had the chance to get that Anne Sexton “ballad of a lonely masturbator” quote on my inner thigh.
WORD Bookstore
126 Franklin St
Brooklyn, NY
730-830pm

FRIDAY 10/29

This is like “Brontez takes Manhattan” week, as The Younger Lovers play with Babies and Little Victory (who, along with Diamond Rings, is a current fave around the Birdsong HQ.  And of course LV lead singer Zan Amparan was interviewed in the last birdsong).  Say yr coming on Facebook and let’s bump/grind on the dancefloor.
Cakeshop
152 Ludlow St. New York, NY
8:00pm – 11:30pm

Saturday 10/30–Sunday 10/31
Eating candy in bed

NOT TO BE A HUGE JERK, but there’s This Pop Singer Who Is Really Famous Right Now and kind of bumming me out. I don’t want to shit-talk cause it’s a total waste of time, but it’s gotten to the point in my life where when people mention how much they love this singer, I feel deep pangs of personal guilt, because it means that the person I’m talking to and I are fundamentally disagreeing on some things. It’s like how in the early 00s (‘member?) sometimes you’d be at a soccer game or the supermarket or a PTA meeting and someone would say nonchalantly that they had voted for Bush, and it would just send up a red flag? It feels like that.

The thing that bugs me about This Pop Singer Who Is Really Famous Right Now is that she purports to be something of a Performance Artist. Now, I’m not going to say that Pop Music and Performance Art are mutually exclusive, but I will say that the kind of Pop Music this singer is making is absolutely antithetical to the goals of performance art. According not only to my, but in fact anybody’s definition of performance art. Performance Art necessarily means something that is expressed / transmitted via (you guessed it!) PERFORMANCE. This Singer’s work is almost always mediated through studio magick, the radio, MTV, YouTube, Fashion Photography, Twitter, etc. It’s deliberately a kind of Art that doesn’t need to be performed live, since it’s readily accessible. Just saying. So when I am getting bugged out about this I figure I can either rage against the dying of the light (incorrect use whatever) or I can offer some alternative to This Pop Singer Who Is Really Famous Right Now. So let’s do that.

So, first: ROISIN MURPHY.

Maybe you already know about her. The thing with This Pop Singer Who Is Really Famous Right Now is that she often claims that the biggest misconception about her is that she’s fake, that she’s artificial, and she wants you to know that she is Always Glamorous, Always In Drag, and very Real. OK I’ll bite: BULLSHIT. This video for the title track from Murphy’s second solo album Overpowered plays with a similar idea, in a much more interesting way (I think). The premise of the video is that Murphy’s stage persona never comes off, that she wears her ultra-bizarre high fashion outfit (Courtesy of Gareth Pugh– Murphy was wearing Pugh long before Kylie, Rihanna, Beyoncé, and the Pop Singer In Question) in cafes, on the bus, etc. as a way of juxtaposing the artificial with the real. It makes an interesting comment on the nature of celebrity culture and beauty. Oh also, this came out in 2007.

KYLIE.

HAD TO GO THERE. The thing about Kylie Minogue is that she’s world-famous everywhere except for the USA. In most of Europe, she’s more famous than Madonna. Madonna has, for those Europhiles (and American Fags) who have been keeping track, been ripping off Kylie for decades. SO while This Pop Singer Nowadays rips off Madonna, she’s actually not even citing the Minogue sources. The almost-Goth, sort of vaguely “dark” aesthetic that This Pop Singer employs was much better used, again in 2007, by Kylie in the video for “2 Hearts”. Other than the fact that this song and video are excellent, the fact that the shiny skull is a reference to Alexander McQueen, the skull itself was actually a symbol of triumph. When this video came out, it was the lead single from Kylie’s “comeback” album X. Comeback, I mean, from breast cancer. Kylie has an authentic right to glamorize the macabre because unlike the Pop Singer Nowadays, who’s whole shtick is utterly devoid of anything involving “the real world” or “obscurity”, when Kylie released this video, singing into a skull microphone, she has just beaten Death. Top that.

GRACE JONES. In your FACE BONES.

It’s no secret that I love Grace Jones. I listen her every single day and she is a totally guiding force in my life. It is with no small amount of disappointment that I continually see This Pop Singer referencing her work. Grace Jones’ eccentricity is best exemplified by the video above (total. personal. anthem.) Unlike the current Pop Singer, who equates randomness and embellishment with intellectual weight, this video shows Grace in what appears to be her natural habitat, running from Keith Haring’s studio to the wardrobe closet to the chiropractor. The message here is that even with this totally unsustainable, unreal level of glamour, she is able to look directly to the camera and sing a love song. The layers of artifice serve to create a distance which the song’s message ostensibly crosses, rather than simply mask the singer’s face. Grace wants you to know that you and her are meant to be.

ROBYN.

Look, one of the things that I don’t understand about This Pop Singer, is how she simultaneously seems to be singing about her “feelings” while denying any trace of actual human emotion. She is bloodless. Does pop music have to be this way? Not if Robyn has anything to say about it. The marriage of a human heart and a dance beat may sound strange on paper, but with Robyn it makes perfect sense.

DIAMOND RINGS

Thought it’d be nice to have a non-girl, non-superstar in the mix. Toronto’s Diamond Rings proves that you can do really cool interesting pop music without a multimillion dollar budget. Look, even Kathleen Hanna is a fan. That ought to be enough. This video is really cool and proves that really, real people can and do succeed at aspiring to glamour and art. Who needs a custom haute couture outfit? Just put a sexy kid in a Karl Lagerfeld t-shirt. Signify, baby. This is what postmodernism ACTUALLY looks like.

So whatever. These are some things you can listen to and watch instead. Check them out.

Stay dry, America. Stay motherfucking dry.

WHAT’S THE HARDEST THING ABOUT BEING A SKATER?

TELLING YOUR PARENTS YOU’RE GAY!

I take that by now it’s accepted, collected, and celebrated common knowledge that there isn’t anything queerer than skateboarding and its wetter predecessor surfing. For the skeptics amongst us, I could easily rest my case by exhibiting the following photograph:

(Ms Jodie, you’ll be tickled to recall,  starred in 1980′s Foxes alongside Runaway Cherie Currie. The film’s tagline: The city had it coming. Boy, did it ever! Not to mention, lest we forget, three years earlier, Ms Jodie had already lamented, I’m alone to skateboard and surf, and I’m dreaming of loving in her 1977 disco track La Vie C’est Chouette.)

I’m stopping myself before this blog post turns into a shrine to Ms Jodie (which it all too easily could). Luckily, the coincidence of queerness, surfing, and skateboarding is a rife cultural archive. And, as all I gabbed about yesterday was the impending California sun (which is merely waiting for these morning clouds to part before it shines in all her afternoon glory, I promise!), I’d like to sift through a minuscule sampling of this punchy archive with you now.

This is always where everything begins all the time ever. In 1982. No, really, I mean, we came from the water, ladies. I think water is god’s tranquilizer . . . to be a surfer, between the sky and the water, would be, to me, the most wonderful thing:

Ptrick showed me this video from 1986. I’m certain that Ms Diana would not deem these witches to be cheats. I’m the queen witch, and I only ride at midnight:

Juxtaposition is not a dirty word. And this video juxtaposes four of my favourite things: Soviet-era animation, Arthur Russell, dolphins, and girls. (Dolphins are another subject on which it’s best not to get me started. And I’m not ONLY talking about Lisa Frank or these cosmetics. I’ll just say I’m a proponent of the belief that dolphins are supreme beings and leave it at that.) Out on the ocean surf, I’ll have to pull myself together. Now it’s harder, I’m not on my turf. Just me and me and those big old waves, rolling in:

This past weekend Tommy and I went to the 2nd Annual Rainbow Book Fair where he picked up a reprint of J.D.s No. 6, which happens to be devoted to skateboarding. I keep trying to make my way through it, but, well, as it says in the zine, Mom caught me jacking off to some Thrasher magazines two months ago.

Speaking of jacking off, let’s speak about Christian Slater in 1989′s Gleaming the Cube and specifically that upside-down cross in his queer ear. There were only two things Brian did care for: his skateboard and his brother:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Sleater-Kinney’s Surf Song from 1994 is my favourite Sleater-Kinney song. I’ve always had trouble finding this song on the internets, so if you find yourself in the same boat, lemme know. We’ve got to start a band this summer:

Yesterday Max posted about The Doom Generation, and it reminded me how Gregg Araki really knows how to set the (sex(y)) scene:

ext.HEAVEN-night

Token TRACKING SHOT across the local staked-out turf known as “Heaven” which resembles ruins leftover from the last A-Bomb test (in actuality it’s the rotting, abandoned lot of a deceased drive-in theatre). Cars doing donuts. Dueling stereos blasting out competing trendy NOIZE. KIDS of all sizes, shapes and colors loitering, getting high, screwing, y’know, doing all that Rebellious Youth stuff.

We’re TRAILING one kid, no shirt, muscles, bitchin tattoos, a SNAKE draped over his shoulders like a mink stole, who zigzags through the flotsam and jetsam on his skateboard with MUSIC (“Sex On Wheelz” by THRILL KILL KULT or some such thing) cascading from his ghettoblaster.

The CAMERA comes to rest at an ultra-cool, faded sky-blue ’70 Ford Torino with totally fogged-up windows.

More contemporarily, this video world premiered at the 2003 National Queer Arts Festival. I love the title and the earnestness, and it makes me think about the conceptual linkages between skating and queerness—failure, community, and rebellion. We ride even more and never stop riding:

[blip.tv ?posts_id=300096&dest=-1]

Finally, this video accompanies a range of girls skate and surf wear. Summer lukes, ladies. I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours. Y chromosome gets the perfect wave:

If I’ve left out yr favourite homo thrasher, then I’d be delighted if you’d please share it with us all in the comments section below. Until next time:

Dear michelle,
What exactly is rageaholism?  I think I get angry too much about things that are inconsequential.  Like yesterday I wanted to punch someone to death because they were standing too close to me on the subway.  What do I do?  Quietly counting to ten doesn’t work.  I’m afraid I’m going to have a rage-related heart attack and die young.
Sincerely,
Angry Anna.

Dear Psycho,
I think you have some unresolved issues that are making you angry at strangers and other annoying douchebags. It’s easier to think you are angry at that lady standing too close to you than to acknowledge that you are just really upset about personal shit that you can’t control.  However, I am the same way.  People should really stand further away on the train, this isn’t fucking China.  I suggest you start drinking more.  It’ll relax you, and then you can always blame yr rage on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.

Dearest Michelle,
So lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my best friend’s lip tattoo and “accidentally” seeing them in nothing but stretch pants. Does this make me gay?
Munches,
Doris Gay

Dear Dorian Gay,
I’m assuming your friends a girl and you’re a girl? Cuz if you’re a dude and you caught your dude friend in some stretch pants, I’ll have to go ahead and say YOU’RE IN. Ya’ll are totally gonna bone later and weep about how great it is.
You are what we in the biz like to call a Friendasexual.  You only wanna bone yr friends.  That’s cool and all cuz it means you like to get to know people first before you sleep with them (I hear that’s a good quality?). But, you’re also being lazy and don’t want to put in the time and effort to find a real date amongst the general population.  Before you know it, you’re gonna turn around and have no friends to hold your hair back while you’re puking after a supreme penny-beer power hour.  I suggest that you a) compliment your friend for looking so good in stretch pants that it makes you gay and b) stop trying to fuck people that you’re already friends with. Go out and find yourself a proper date to humiliate yourself in front of while eating and/or drinking.  And then come home and cry to your friends about it.

Dear Michelle,
Welcome to USAA banking! Your new USAA No-Fee checking account comes with many benefits that let you bank when and where you want.
Free USAA Deposit@Home – Make fast, easy and secure deposits 24/7 by scanning your checks from your computer.
Free 24/7 online banking with the ability to move money, check balances and download statements.
Earn reward points with your USAA Total Rewards debit card – the secure alternative to cash – and earn points for every signature based purchase. Look for your card to arrive within the next 10 business days.
Start enjoying the benefits of USAA.COM
Thank you,
USAA

Dear USAA,
Yo quit with the emails. We hooked up ONCE. And now you wanna send me green debit cards? That shit is soooo embarrassing when my roommates find them.  Seriously, what is this? My first grown up bank account? And then I gotta use it at C-Town!? You know those cashiers already hate me. You do this on purpose!!
Thanks for the no fee ATM withdrawals tho, that always gets me boo…
Come over,
Michelle

by Stephen

I stumbled upon Gay Talk (Formerly entitled The Queen’s Vernacular) in a used bookstore by fate. This pink book fell from the shelf. I looked at its yellow paper and I JUST KNEW deep down that I must share its faggotry: the slang of those sugar in the blood pre-Stonewall Miss Things!

So for my first dramatic role on the Birdsong blog, I’m going to sing out some great phrases and words you can use while you close Polk Street! I call it Queen Camp.

Today’s Vocab:

get out of budget dresses- to step out of the everyday routine. “My honey got me out of budget dresses.”

go home with the garbage-man- to go home tired and frustrated after having cruised all night long.

Norma Jean Nicotine- 1. a heavy smoker 2. a pack of cigs

Lucy- abusive nickname for one accused of having a loose ass.

Sod O My U- school where homosexuality runs rampant. “Was the graduation get-up from Sod O My U leathers or lace?”

stumble all over the dick- tongue-tied when talking to an attractive person.

purse somebody- 1. to fight back 2. to knock somebody out. “She sure as shit pursed that jam mother clean out of his head!”

kitchen queen- one who stands while receiving a cock up the ass. This position is comfortable for the passive partner, since, while in an upright position, he is able to continue cubing vegetables for the salad.

dolly domestic- homosexual hausfrau; a homebody. “You’ve become a regular dolly domestic since you and Seymour started living together. And you used to be such a campy thing!”

venus flytrap- homosexual born under the sign of Libra or Taurus–signs both ruled by Venus.

redemption center- a church. “I mean, Miss Clean raced through this parlour with so much elbow grease that she had the place dolled up like a Catholic redemption center!”

Betty shits her dress- statement mocking a homosexual who is shabbily dressed. In the same way, if one is caught in tattered shoes, he will be described as “Betty shitting her shoes!”

That’s it for this week! See you in bed!